As many of you know a few weeks ago Haley and I filed all the paperwork for our waiver. It will take about a year for everything to be processed and accepted.
If the waiver is granted I will have an interview scheduled in Juarez with a consular officer. This person will decide if I will be allowed to return to the U.S. The problem that I face from that point is that as soon as I cross back into Mexico, I automatically trigger a 10 year bar. This happens because I was in the country unlawfully when I turned 18. There is the potential for additional time to be added to that 10 year bar for every year I have stayed in the country unlawfully. In theory, I would be looking at a total of 19 years. My future will be in the hands of one person. If this person finds any reason of admissibility I will not be allowed to return.
If this were to happen I would have to file another waiver which will take another year.
This brings me to the what if scenario, which I have been thinking about more and more everyday.
What if the person conducting the interview is having a bad day?
What if I am denied my visa and I am stuck in Mexico for at least another year, or worse 10+ years?
What if I don’t get to come home?
I won’t get to see Haley every day or ask her how her day went.
I won’t get to hold her when she’s upset.
I won’t be able to lay with her and hold her as she falls asleep.
I won’t be able to walk into my shop every day and talk to my brother or hear Jack say “nothing mucho” after I ask him what’s up, or hear the random stuff that comes out of Abelino’s mouth when he thinks an English word is funny.
I won’t get to see my best friend Eric and talk about whatever random stuff we have on our minds.
I won’t be able to run my family business and see it grow.
I won’t be able to see my friends or family.
I hate thinking about the what if’s and all of the things I could miss.
Sometimes I honestly can’t believe that I have to go through all of this. I have been here for 27 years of my life. I have a local business, I pay my taxes, I try to be an asset to my community and Rockford is my home but because I don’t have 9 digits I’m an illegal immigrant!
It makes me so sad thinking about the what if’s.
I won’t get to cuddle up next to Marble, or give him tons of treats when Haley’s not looking.
I’ll miss the holidays with my family.
So much can be missed in a year and so much more in 10…
I can’t control the outcome and that scares me. Even if I am granted my visa I can still be denied entry into the U.S. if the customs agent on the way through the airport doesn’t like me. Nothing is permanent until I get my visa stamped and they say “welcome to Chicago.”
My mind races with different scenarios.
I guess the upside is that I’ll get to meet the family I have in Mexico.
I’ll be able to see my parents again.
I can help my dad build his home and keep my mom company. I can sit with her and have coffee and talk about everything and anything.
I’m afraid of the what if’s but I know there is nothing I can do about them. What I can do is enjoy the time that I have left in Rockford.
I will cherish every moment I have with Haley and Marble.
I will cherish my business, my co-workers, and smile every time I hear “nothing mucho.”
I’ll jump at any opportunity to see my friends.
I will continue on with my life and forget the what if’s…
-Jose the presidente